A few days ago I was discussing a similar topic with some friends. It was a very brief conversation. Once the topic had been brought up and everyone realised that people mostly don't care (or are too scared to know) how people truly are doing, the topic was quickly changed into something more light-hearted.
On Day 3 during a recent stay in Tresillian I offhandedly told a nurse that I was suffering from panic attacks (causing chest pains, numbness, tingles, struggling to breathe & exhaustion). The nurse was flabbergasted and quite literally couldn't find words to respond. She couldn't believe that I could hold myself together enough for her not to notice that I was actually not doing okay (had been in the business for 30 odd years). I however had originally said that I was 'fine' and my body and facial expressions told her that I was 'fine'. I then had a flock of nurses (who had cared for us over the last three days) come and tell me the same thing- that they couldn't believe 'Cool, calm Katie' was struggling.
So... my point is this, do we really care about how people really are? And do we actually tell the truth when we respond to this question? And of course, yes, your answer probably does depend on who asks the question. But I should have said that I wasn't fine when the nurses asked me at Tresillian. But I didn't. I lied. Why? I didn't want to appear 'weak'. And I still don't. I like to think I am holding it together. But it does take courage and strength to ask for help. To admit that you need help shows that you are human. We are not perfect. (If you wanted a conclusion to that story... I saw the therapist at Tresillian who felt compelled to ring my GP *drama* and I am having little check-ups with him to make sure that I am coping better and have the panic attacks under control)
Personally it doesn't scare me to know how others are truly doing. What a wonderful way it can be to serve others by helping them through a tough time- especially through prayer (and hot meals!). I am challenging myself to think more about this and really tune in to the response to 'how are you?' so that I can pick up on underlying comments or the message behind the answer.
So my question to you today is... how are you?
Did you just hear me? My real question...
How are you really?
Great thoughts Katie. This is so incredibly true and something i have been ranting about for sometime. How people ask but when you tell them the truth the change subject or are already moving onto something else. I know I'm guilty of doing it too. If as Christians we are to truelu support one another we have to be honest with each other. One by being sincere when we ask people how they are and dig deeper when they say fine. Really listen - look past what they are just saying and also we need to be truthful when asked. Bible tells us to support and encourage each other and lift each other up. Very hard to do if we are wearing masks and not being honest!!! Thanks for the reminder and challenge :) blessings
ReplyDeleteso proud of you & your honesty - you're so right, we don't want to hear the truth most of them time & it is scarier to admit that we're not fine. So glad you're getting the support of Tresillian - i found my week there v helpful. Thanks for the reminder that we need to be listening to people more & caring xx
ReplyDeleteThanks Leah, I think we can all be guilty of doing it and I think sometimes we are unaware of it. But yes I think God desires us to support and encourage one another and I hope this post is just a friendly reminder for us all (including myself!)xxx
ReplyDeleteThank-you Carly, I think honesty works even though it is hard sometimes! Tresillian helped us with 'no fuss feeding' which wasn't something I had heard about so it, so the stay was helpful. We ended up home earlier than we thought but 'no fuss feeding' is something that doesn't happen overnight. I think I got the most help overall and not bubs!
ReplyDeleteOh, Katie. Sorry to hear you have been struggling so much. I'm glad the truth came out so now you can work on dealing with the panic attacks. We really should be asking each other how we REALLY are, otherwise how can we offer real support to our friends. Thank you for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteHope you are feeling okay this week. x